prose poem: bianca lopez
Why are you running?
It is 2pm on a Wednesday
I am rolling out of bed for the first time today
Everything is sprawled out all over my bedroom
Birthday cards from a friend
Letters from an old lover
A stack of books I have yet to touch or read
My happiness is hanging on the coat rack next to my hoodie
Which will I choose today?
Hope is mixed in with the dirty laundry
Waiting to be washed so I can wear it again
Instead I pull out my dirty sneakers
Go over to my bottles of vitamins and pills
All serve a different purpose but deal with my body
Ensure its health
Ensure I am doing what I can to address the “problem”
The problem is not my body despite
The exhausting battle of doing what I can to fix it
The problem is my mind
What can I take to ease the restlessness in my brain?
What will make the emptiness lighter?
My phones chimes and brings me out of my trance
“Are you okay?”
I answer “yes.”
But will they read between the lines
Yes, I woke up today but I haven’t had a bite to eat
Yes, I saw your last 10 messages but I’ve been busy doing nothing
Yes, I am feeling lonely…
The kind of loneliness that makes your skin crawl with desire
That fills your belly with a certain type of hunger
This loneliness has me sleeping with the window open
Because what is more lonelier than the night?
The silence, the darkness, the heaviness
I am lonely, but not alone
I finish lacing up my sneakers and reach for my hoodie
It may not seem like it
But I am running towards happiness and hope
Just give me time
