Prose: katalin pusztaszeri
The game we play
Life is an incomprehensible psychological test, an ambiguous trial. The inventor and the executor of this experiment are undisclosed. The aim...seems pointless, the participants are unidentified. The increments... could be precarious.
The victim of life is an unwilling volunteer, sitting in a Skinner-box, in a nurturing or sometimes...a torturing chamber...a windowless angular-shaped dark bunker. The air smells musty and stale in this narrow cabinet like an old school gym in a basement. All walls are patchy yellow, green fungus is glowing at the angles. The sweat and the vapor of endless efforts are precipitating out and streaming from the high ceilings. In the center of this artificial temple you can discover a neon shrine with chaotic net of cables connected to limited number of buttons. The access path of these cables are hidden, the managing forces of the system are unknown. All humans have free choice to press any of the buttons or stay away from them...With the hope of what ‘would be’ the result in the future or in the shade of what ‘could have been’ (based on your missed or bad choices in the past, existing in every individual’s head) people would make their decisions, choose one or more buttons then press them...or just simply do not take the opportunity, anxiously doing nothing...waiting for divine intervention if ever happens. By pressing the buttons...if the person is lucky she/he could get some rewards...or occasionally get a shock (a punishment) instead of positive reinforcement. The positive and affirmative outcome has never been guaranteed. An individual’s real or fictitious past, her/his present existence or the insecurity of the future could be negative and positive influencing factors.
Some of us could easily lose control and desperately push every button which they come across with without logical reason.
Some of us are just pushing the buttons without expecting anything.
(These people of the first and second group could get cold or warm shower both irregularly).
Some of us have been pushing stubbornly the same old buttons lifelong even if the results are detrimental.
Some of us use special methods to choose the supposedly the best option for survival.
Some of us recognize some rules in the game and stick to those principles if possible.
Some of us are lost from the beginning of the test and mentally collapse.
Some of us just get tired of the match.
Some of us decide to give it up (without even trying to do anything) and leave the field immediately.
Being a permanent lab rat, I feel that I have been taking part of this incomprehensible and many times unsatisfactory experiment for long time. I have played almost all of the enumerated scenarios... from the beginner to the retired, except giving up and leaving the playground immediately...as I could never have afford that. I guess I could have been a better gamer but I could have never ended up as a loser. Game over has never been served as an option in survival mode. The possibility of what ‘could have’ been or ‘what could be’ are no more just uncertain determinants, decision-making factors in this groundless irrationally absurd experiment called life.
about the writer: katalin pusztaszeri
Katalin Pusztaszeri is an art professional and photographer living in Budapest, Hungary. She started taking photographs in 2013, as a part of her recovery from a spinal cord surgery. In the beginning, she used photography as neuro-feedback to alter her attention from pain and anxiety. She realized that by means of creation, she has been able to release all of the suppressed and latent feelings she felt were clogged in her body throughout the years. At this point, creating pictures has become an urgent and utmost need to convey her thoughts and ideas toward the outside world.
Instagram: katalinpusztaszeri
