poem: erin brosey
My no, no
When it happened
When I heard
All I could say was no
I know I was saying it to God
No in a thousand different voices
No, please
No, never
No, this isn’t real
No, how could you
No, fix this now
No, take it back
Because in matters of life and death
Who else is there to blame but God?
Except in the ebbed waves of grief
When I saw how all my other lifelong no’s
No, I won’t say something
No, it isn’t my place
No, they’ll hate me
No, I’m not seeing what I think I am
No, we don’t need to talk about it
No, they would never listen to me
Were also strewn along the path to this moment
But who is to say which yes would change the future
Or even echo in the present?
So now I take my no’s and polish them for work
I do not point them at the sky
Or myself
I aim them as an extension of me
True only to what I know
No, I will not be silent
No, I will not be still
No, I will not diminish my voice
No, I will not doubt myself
No, I will not abandon myself
No, I will not sacrifice myself
Tragedy will still weigh heavy
The past will stay done
And none know what the future will be
But I will live my life as myself, my no’s my own
about the writer: erin brosey
Erin Brosey is a fantasy author and poet living in San Francisco. She is currently working on her first novel. She has several poems self-published on Vocal. Her Instagram has very little to do with writing but does have a dog, a cat, and a lot of sourdough bread.
