personal essay: emma friary
soulmates redefined
If you’re a cynic, you probably don’t think soulmates exist. You’re supposed to feel a bolt of lightning, a strike at the center of your heart, romantic feelings. You are supposed to have a fairy tale ending with the person you love, always. But never does Hollywood explore the possibility that maybe you’re given multiple soulmates and maybe, just maybe, it doesn’t need to be about romance.
If I’m going to be honest, I hate the people who met their soulmates young. To all of the people I knew in high school who met their soulmates then or the first week of college, you can never understand how absolutely jealous everyone else is of you. I hate you for having it so easy. You didn’t have to suffer through horrible first dates, tragic breakups which turned out to not be so bad, or planning to share a life with someone only to find they had become a stranger. Yes, obviously every relationship has its problems but guess what? You know that's the person you want and so you figure it out and don’t let go. So, again, I can’t stand you.
I had no idea I was also one of these people.
At five, I met my best friend Tess. Tess and I had pretty much nothing in common to start with other than we both liked animals and had a mutual dislike for a girl named Jenn. We only spent one year in the same school before I transferred to another district but we still remained friends. As we grew older, we developed the same interests together. We read Harry Potter and obsessed over the movies, we took tennis lessons together, we hunted for ghosts, we tried to conjure Bloody Mary in the mirror, we read and created like crazy, we shared every birthday and Halloween party together, we grew together and we loved each other fiercely.
In high school, the communication between Tess and I grew quieter. I figured it was because we had a lot going on. Tess was busy curing cancer in plants and traveling across the country to compete in the worlds science fair and I was busy going to cafes with my friends on open mic nights where I would listen to people belt out Mumford and Sons in my beanie. I was struggling with the stresses of AP classes and multiple friend groups and Tess was struggling with an eating disorder. I went to her house to visit for the first time in a year and was shocked by her weight loss. I felt sick because I knew she couldn’t feel well being so skinny and she had not yet acknowledged that she was anorexic. I reached out often through texts but there was radio silence. I continued reaching out for months until I finally heard back from her and by then she had started getting help. I had a project for my AP English class on an issue in society and did it on eating disorders to better educate myself and anyone in the room who was privately struggling. For my own private project, I wrote a novela called “Skinny Love” about Tess and sent it to her because it terrified me to lose someone who had been in my life for 10 years who had always shared everything with me. She still has the writing and I have it on my computer as a reminder of the time I put into a person I love.
In college, our relationship took another dive. She relapsed into her eating disorder the same time I was in a combative relationship and struggling with everything at college. Through this time, we both supported the other person even as we could not support ourselves. We were on different ships in the same ocean of despair, sending each other signals that help was on the way as both ships were sinking.
My relationship ended, as did my time at the college, as Tess came out of her final relapse and we started talking every day for the first time since we were children. For four years now, we have spoken nearly every day. We send memes to each other by the dozens, calling them “meme dumps” or “dumps” for short which would lead to great amusement to anyone who wanted to read through our messages. We have travelled to Europe together for a vacation and had many adventures as well as delicious food. We are both happy, healthy, with degrees, and people in our lives who love and support us.
I’m not sure which one of us had the realization first that we were a version of soulmates with each other. I had only ever thought of the idea as being something romantic which is not the case with us. We are merely two people whose lives came together by coincidence in a chance encounter, who have supported each other in their dreams, and have refused to give up on the other. Could there be a greater definition of love? We don’t fight because there is no need when you are both so insync with each other. There is not a moment to waste when we have learned life is fleeting and not long enough. Tess told me ‘There is never enough time for the ones you love’ back in 2016 which has stuck with me and becomes more prevalent every year.
If we didn’t have Hollywood, love songs, or poems about love, would we be able to recognize love? Love is not holding a boombox over your head, punching your hand into the air on a football field, or riding away into the sunset on a lawn mower. Love is a month of silence with one person reaching out and sending memes to let the other know you’re thinking of them even when the other person is doing their best to try to not think about anything. Love is waking up to drive an hour and a half drive to visit for a few minutes because you miss them. Love is four hour long Facetime calls and spending the entire time trying to catch up for the lost moments. The reason we have a million different ways to describe love is because there is never going to be enough time in a movie or song to be able to show love. It is years in the making. It is a bond that can’t be broken. For me, it's me and Tess.
about the writer: emma friary
Emma Friary is an undergraduate at FSU planning on pursuing her masters through the school. She draws inspiration from her travels and experiences as well as her favorite novels. Emma’s goal is to publish a book and travel back to Europe in the next year.
